July 12th, 2023 marks the date of seeing the island amongst my brother, my cousins, my mother, uncles and my Aunty Mary, the Matriarch of the Siguenza bloodline and the eldest Siguenza by blood. A trip we would all pronounce, once in a lifetime. My eyes absorbing the tropical green lush jungle full of unmanicured vegetation as I looked out the airplane window. Coconut trees and velvet vines blanketed the mountains like a cozy sherpa throw blanket. My vision was instantly soothed from the sight of deep monochromatic green hues. Maybe, it’s the Taurus in me connecting with the earth that felt so calm and serene. Calm ripples and occasional waves pulsed its way towards the shores with slow rhythmic splashes at the shoreline. Depending on the depths of the coral reef below revealed broken shells, chunks of sun bleached coral, and colorful sea glass.
Talofofo River, the Village where my dad grew up.
My cousins and I swimming in the Inarahan Natural Pools under the full moon.
The air-warm, still, and humid. The ideal temperature for flip flops and breezy shorts or tropical dresses. Natural hair or braids because your heated style could not withstand the island’s moisture. Finally, the sun enveloped our bodies until the sky shifted grey in an instant for tropical down pours. You could see the dark rain cloud sprint from across the sky to find its resting point directly above your home showering heavy rains that felt like a jacuzzi jet massager. The cycle of mother nature nurtured an island so beautiful, that it feels like a handpicked charm amongst a hundred links on a precious Pandora charm bracelet.
Guam, the largest island of the Mariana Islands. A US territory that was first invaded and ruled by the Spanish, then the US, and then Japan, and finally the US again. A land inhabited by its own indigenous people, language, and culture before colonization. Sea farring people who found their way by the sun, who sailed, spear fished, farmed, and were architecturally advanced, developing the Latte Stone, two piece stone supports that upheld houses, still found on the island today dating back to when the Pyramids were constructed. Last, but not least-an island where praying to the ancestors is a source of spirituality, connection, and appreciation and respect.
Ancient Latte Stones- two piece stone structures created as housing supports. The assembly of the two rocks together moved with the house during an earthquake or typhoon to help homes withstand harsh weather.
I was shopping at K-Mart, the island’s main shopping destination for everyday items, when the cashier asked me if I was Chamorro. I smiled and responded, “Yes, I am Guamanian.” He glanced up while counting our change and said, “Are you Guamanian, or are you Chamorro?” I looked for a lifeline towards my older brother Steve, and said, “I don’t know!” With a look of embarrassment and nervously picking off my tangerine toned nail polish. Little did I know that my mental hemisphere would rotate in a few moments. The Kmart cashier gave me the gift of identity that I have been looking for most of my life in one sentence. He said, “If your blood, your ethnicity is Chamorro, and Guamanian is the nationality.” My untethered spirit found its way back home to my body in lane 5 at the 24 hour Kmart. From that point forward, I was proud to be Chamorro and finally knew what that meant.
I’m humored by the idea that I wanted to make Guam an Instagram vacation. With cute outfits, posed plan-did photos, and everything perfectly curated. Over the past month, I had been looking through my camera roll of times where I chose to romanticize my life for myself to create and capture beautiful vignettes to ease my mind. This was my strategy for capturing my vacation. However, the idea was quickly thrown out after a real fiery sunburn appeared my first day kayaking in Long Beach, leaving me with pealing heated skin, and a sunglass tan where you could probably see the brand’s logo branded into my temples. Not to mention-all internet and phone service would be completely down for me the moment we stepped foot on Guam. Unsolicited privacy at its finest. But to be honest the things that I experienced in the jungle, under the sea, and adventures lit by the moon could not be documented. It felt as if the one-second to document it would be the one-second of pure living that I would never get back. I guess the universe was telling me that this trip was just for me.
As a beauty expert, my mission was to learn as much as I could about the people of Guam. From art and beauty, to recreation and ways of life to bring it back to my brand, Blended Society Beauty. My vision is to be the National Geographic of the beauty space. To see the beauty in who you are and be proud of yourself and your people. To travel, study, document, interact, capture, explore and live amongst the stories shared with locals whether it be your own family, or others. With the beauty space being a place for artistically manufactured perfection-now, I find the most beauty in what is real and what is raw. What is found only in nature and to truly admire the sight, and respect it so much that you leave it alone?
With that being said, I am fully convinced that Aretha Franklin was an honorary Chamorrita. Her song RESPECT reminds me of my experience visiting my motherland. Traditionally, Chamorros live in a matriarchal society where women are the head of households and have absolute authority over the family group. My example is my Aunty Mary, who is my father’s oldest sibling, and sister- and I can confidently say that her power reigns supreme. She is not a supervisor barking orders, but a powerful woman ready to help her family. At one point, I saw her lifting a loaded trailer tow with one arm while using her strong 50+ year old Guamanian legs amongst a group of male cousins on the beach. She’s a legend.
You greet every family member internal, external, young, but especially your elders with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. At one point there was a conveyer belt of 20 cousins in line to greet me and then that line moved to the next aunty. This was not just one time, but EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. Acknowledgment of someone’s presence was taking seriously, especially when it came to your family. The feeling made me feel seen and welcomed with a warm embrace. Early travelers of the 15th century documented interactions with early Chamorros as being warm and kind hearted people who looked out for each others well being. As a modern traveler of 2023, it still holds true today. Warm, kind heart, (hilarious) people that are all about family and showing respect.
It took me thirty-five years and the courage to quit my steady job to get to Guam. Why? Well, I was a workaholic first, had major FOMO (fear of missing out) with opportunities that would help me excel in my career, and then I became a New Yorker and the rat race just kicked in ten times harder. I would happily and voluntarily gridlock myself into my new reality. I would take a vacation from my steady job only to continue to be working, or mentally preparing to come back to work. Covid, as terribly heart breaking as it was for many-was my emergency stop. Imagine driving at full speed and then the passenger pulls the emergency break. Not necessarily by choice-but by chance. The gift of time to reflect on long walks in Central Park was universal alignment. My mind would wander if I was happy, what made me happy? Who did I need to forgive? My deepest insecurities would be showing up uninvited on my walks around the Jackie Onassis Reservoir. Rather than run from them, it was time to face some areas of my life that were suppressed into dark corners of my mind. There were very vulnerable moments only to be seen by the great sculptures of historical figures on Statue row. As the great philosopher, Brian Waters had once said, “Are you living life by design or default?” I felt like I was living my truth shaped by one society to find my answers, and I needed to open my expertly blended multicolored cut crease eyes. Were my false eyelashes weighing down my vision? I mean that both literally and figuratively. Lucky for me-there was still so much of myself that I had yet to explore. Which is where the name, Blended Society Beauty was created. A reflection of exploration of myself, my heritage, my truth and it felt like the ocean was calling me- yes, that’s right like Moanna.
The cliff that resembles the shape of a woman at Two Lover's Point.
One swim into Guam’s warm waters felt like my baptism. The salt water cleansed my soul, my spirit, and my thoughts. In my absolutely incredible profession as a creative, reality is altered. Things are stylized to look picture perfect. There are moodboards pieced together from the expression of a model, to the posing styles, color of the lighting to a media trained professional coaching on what someone should say. Then, the photo is retouched if it wasn’t already manufactured enough. I help to create a fantasy and it’s a spectacular world. But, I needed reality. I wanted real. I needed truth. I want to see a world of untouched beauty and remind people how naturally beautiful the world is and how naturally beautiful people are in their natural habitat. Whether it be in the place they live, or in their own skin. In retrospect, all of my efforts were actually to remind myself that I am beautiful and so are you.
As I met my family members for the first time throughout our visit, I was able to see duplicate versions of myself in their faces and bodies that I had never seen around me growing up. The realization and acceptance, that this is me in so many different versions was the missing puzzle pieces to my identity. The meaning of being Chamorro, living Chamorro and now I see it all around me. My wide and rounded cheekbones and strong muscular stature like my Aunty Mary, heart shaped lips, big smile, and asian eyes like my Aunty Esther, a jawline and humor like my Aunty Laura, golden skin and dark hair like my Aunty Claire, a laid back island kindness like my cousin Joanne, and a beautiful example of time passing in my stunning elders Aunty Annie and Aunty Rose, sisters of my wonderful and loving late, Grandma Sylvia. The presence of the women in my family were so beautiful to me, with fierce but graceful and gentle personalities. I would never want them to change, be altered, or manufactured. To me, I experienced true beauty in its natural state with the upmost respect for the women in my life.
A night out with the family watching the local dancers. Hanging out with Aunty Mary.
Throughout the past year, I’ve read how learning about your ancestors isn’t just about understanding your lineage, but about the passing of ideas. The ability to notice and respect choices that were made by your blood line that brought us here today. While shopping at the local night market, Chamorro Village, I came across a book submerged under a glass display case of Guamanian Literature. It was a hardcover written by Guampedia experts, called Women in Guam History. I was excited to learn about influential women who helped shape the ways of the island in my quest to gain as much knowledge as I can regarding the rich history of my people. My Aunty Mary glances over the table as I opened the first few pages. “Your great grandma should be in that book.” Immediately, I flip through each page determined to find her, ready to take in the words that described her. A courageous woman I have never met. I flipped through the book, cover to cover with a sigh of subtle disappointment as I turned the very last page. Guam’s first woman Chamorro police officer was not mentioned in the Women in Guam History. A bit of a let down, but still very excited to learn about the rest of the monumental women who have made an influence and shifted the culture.
Guam's first Chamorro Women Police Officer, my great grandmother, Ana Leon Guerrero Sablan.
Back in the states, while sharing a delicious serving of estufao made by my Aunty Rose, I learned that my great grandmother Ana Leon Guerrero Sablan had her own ethics when it came to public service. She refused to carry a gun while on the job. Her grandchildren enlighten us at the table with stories of her time at work and their memories with her on the island. As, the first female police officer going against the odds, one would think that a woman would want to hold on to the extra security and clutch a weapon in case of any funny business. However, she had her own beliefs and ideals to shift the norms public service on her island. Her theory that, “Women act less aggressively and believe less in aggression, focusing increased attention on ways of avoiding violence and cooling violent situations without using physical force” led her to 29 years serving the people of Guam all while climbing the ranks. Her desire to achieve and succeed was warmly regarded by her community and what I admire most was her desire to care for her people the way she cared for her eight children back home. A modern woman with her own mind rooted in compassion and love. A mindset that should be carried on to her future generations.
It’s stories like this that make me proud of where I come from and who I come from. Knowing that in her lifetime, there was purpose and drive to create change and the determination to embody it. A coincidence, but sharing the same name feels like a gateway to embodying my great grandmother’s and my mother’s courageous spirit. To say this trip to the motherland is where I found myself, doesn’t seem entirely correct. This trip is where I saw myself. I saw what happiness is to me in the next chapter of my life. My vision, no longer being altered by fantasy, but through the most sentimental reality. All it took was a dive sixty feet under the Guam sea to clear my mask and see what is next for me in this lifetime.
Getting scuba certified as an Open Water Diver!
Thank you for coming along on my journey to Guam with me. I hope this encourages you all to continue to connect to the roots of your people, traditions, stories, and countries to help you be your true self.
Things to Do in Guam:
Scuba Certification acquired at MDA Guam in Piti for Open Water Diver, my instructor was Tish. Visit www.mdaguam.com
Guam's Tour of The Valley of the Latte Riverboat Tour www.valleyofthelatte.com
Hike Sacred Jungle Caves & Cliffs: Pagat Cave & Cliffs
Swim in Talofofo Falls & Zipline
Visit Chamorro Village for local food and craft goods
Get yourself invited to a fiesta for the best local food and music
Visit the Guam Museum and The Cultural Art Center in Chamorro Village
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